i've given up speaking

Also:

I woke up this morning convinced you found the book on things-I-will-not-say-to-you. The cracks began to widen. Earthquakes rippled down my spine. My stitches were opening and you were looking inside. I was open, the mysteries I made to keep me safe solved. Uncomplicated, just me, with all my shipwrecks and dead ends. The thought made me want to stop existing.

But I saw you and still you so blissfully didn’t know. Your ignorance is the cherry-red in your cheeks; it makes me love you and see how vulnerable the people you don’t expect are. I thought I was the glass creature in the glass world, but I’m just the curator, collecting and understanding.

The ultimate catch 22. I want you to know how I feel, but if you ever do I will fall apart, and not figuratively.